MM Sits down with Justin Turner

Today after news of Turners Transfer broke, I had the opportunity to make up an interview sit down with Justin and discuss the reasons behind his transfer. 

Me: Justin I'd like to thank you for sitting down with me today, and discussing the reasons behind your impending transfer from the University of Michigan.

JT: No problem DB, its my pleasure and I'd like to take the time to prove to people I am not a useless sack of shit.

Me:  So lets start this off with a bang, Why Justin have you decided to transfer from the University of Michigan?

JT: Well, there was lots of things that factored into the decision, the first was that Tate Forcier has leprosy, and I didn't want to catch it. Think of what I would look like walking around with my skin falling off and shit, it wouIld be terrible. The second reason was obviously  I wasn't good enough last year to play, I was behind walk ons and shit. Finally the last and most important reason I've decided to transfer, is I am extremely jealous of GERG's illustrious mane. I want this guys hair, and he told me I couldn't have it. So yeah time to hit the dusty trail.

Me: Have you given any thought to where you'll go?

JT: I was thinking about transferring to O$U but If I'm not good enough to start at MICH, why would I be good enough to start at O$U? Then I thought about U$C because lets be honest, Lane Kiffin's wife is HAWT. But again if I'm not good enough to start at MICH, how can I expect to make it at a fine, strictly by the book institution like U$C. Honestly I'll probably make my way to the University of Ohio RAWRCATZ. Frank Solich is a fine upstanding corch, and I think I may have the opportunity to prove that I'm not a bust there.

Me: Justin what is your favorite food?

JT: I would have to say my favorite food is pizza. Mike Gittleson told me during the offseason to eat as much Pizza as I possible could, this as helped beef me up into a fine strong gentleman.

Me: JT, describe to me your appearance?

JT: Well I am one of the best looking gentleman in the world, You may call me fat, but I'm not, I'm just big boned. When my fat rolls jiggle the ladies go wild.

Me: Why didn't you put up a Facebook status update regarding your transfer?

JT: Well I'll be perfectly honest with you here, I didn't want any MGOIDIOT facebook stalkers to commit suicide. I didn't want that on my conscience you know? I figured I'd let Brain Cook break the news and then calm everyone done with pictures of kittens

Me: JT, since we all know you don't like chocolate milk, do you still like cookies?

JT: Oh hell yeah I like cookies, how the hell else do you think I gained so much weight. Before bed each night I eat a package of Oreo's, unlike TWolf O shaped things don't piss me off.

Me: Which one of your former team mates had the best looking ass?

JT: Thats a tough one to answer. I really liked the way Taylor Lewan's ass looks, but I think best overall has to go to Jordan Kovacs. That guy has a fantabulous ass. Walk on or not, his ass is a 5 star.

Me: Did you third string guys, get the same equipment as the first teamers?

JT: Hell no. We had to wear leather helmets, which kind of sucks when my head is way to big to fit into one. Most of the time I didn't get to wear pads because I was way too fat to fit into them.

Me: Alright Justin, last question. How many games will MICH win this year?

JT: Well I think that if I had gotten a serious opportunity to play Michigan would have won 10 games, however since stupid Dick Fraud thinks its better to play walk ons ahead of 5 star recruits, they'll probably only win 3 games.

Special thanks to Justin Turner for allowing me to make this up sitting down with me. In all seriousness we wish this young man nothing but the best. Not everyone is cut out for MICH FOOTBAW.

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